12 United Methodist Church Pastors Resign Over Policy Change On Homosexuality
1 week agoSat, 29 Mar 2025 08:54:00 GMT
Twelve senior pastors from the United Methodist Church (UMC) have resigned in protest over the church’s recent decision to reverse its long-standing condemnation of homosexuality.
Reverend Forbes Matonga, one of the lead figures among the resigning pastors, confirmed the resignations during a press conference held in Harare on Friday morning, 28 March.
In his address, Rev. Matonga said that the church’s recent shift no longer aligns with core Christian teachings. He said:
Now your beloved church fully embraces this sin and even celebrates it as God’s gift.
The resignations come after last year’s General Conference of the United Methodist Church in the United States, where church leadership voted 523-161 to revise its Social Principles.
The decision removed language that labeled homosexuality as “incompatible with Christian teaching” and allowed for the ordination and appointment of “self-avowed practicing homosexuals.” The Zimbabwean delegation opposed the vote.
Pastor Maria Masamba warned that this policy shift will have significant implications for marriage and the social fabric. She said:
I’m not talking about being modern or progressive, I’m talking about the very fabric of our society.
If we start to normalise homosexual relationships within the church, what does that mean for the future of our families, our communities, and the world?
It is a sobering thought, but one we need to consider. The reality is if we don’t have traditional families with a mother and father, we’re not going to have children who can grow up to be doctors and lawyers, etcetera.
It’s not about being old-fashioned or close-minded; it’s about preserving the human race.
I truly believe that allowing homosexuality in the church is not a step forward, but a step backwards – one that could have devastating consequences for generations to come.
The Zimbabwean Constitution explicitly bans same-sex marriage under Section 78(3), which states that “persons of the same sex are prohibited from marrying each other.”
More: The Sunday Mail
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106 Comments
Fox+ · 5 days ago
Scroll right down and you will will find it all there at the bottom. Some irate fargot pushed it down.
XYZ · 1 week ago
Zvatakaramba ngochi papage rino zvakatodzimwa? 😤
ok · 1 week ago
2 Corinthians 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
ok · 1 week ago
nyanga yokuparadza yamira panzwimbo tsvene, unorava ngaacherekedze.
Mbizi yemutsara · 1 week ago
Zvimachechi izvi zvakatanga Nevanoita home****ualy Ska zvakaoma kuti mafundisi aya arambidzi tsika iyi mucheche umu zvakafanana nekusvika pamuzinda vezvigure wovati musapfeka maface musk hazvibude
Mbizi yemutsara · 1 week ago
Zvimachechi zvawo izvi zvakatanga ne**** iwo vakazviona vapindamo Ska zvakaoma kuti vavarambidze chi****
*** · 1 week ago
ndivo vanhu vanomira nechokwadi chamwari vatinoda ava chi**** kwete munyika yamwari baba
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· 1 week ago
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· 1 week ago
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· 1 week ago
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thevoice · 1 week ago
📣📣📣THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ALL APOSTATE PROTESTANT CHURCHES OF THE WORLD 🌎 ARE FALLEN COME OUT OF THEM NOW ⚠️⏰‼️.
What is the cause of the churches becoming 'FALLEN' and in danger of the coming destruction? Because they have rejected the truth of God in favor of the creeds and traditions of men. The one true God and His Son Jesus as revealed in the Bible have been rejected, in favor of a strange '3 in 1' trinity god. The Sabbath and commandments of the Lord our God have been rejected. The sanctuary message has been rejected. The truth about complete victory over sin has been rejected. The truth that we are complete in Christ has been rejected. Just to name a few! And the churches have 'mingled' themselves with the world, committing fornication with the heathen around them and with the governments, just as Israel of old.
The churches are full of people who follow man, instead of following Christ and are slaves to sin, rather than to the Spirit. The majority of people trust and obey man, rather than trusting and obeying Christ our Lord. This is the crux of the third angel's message of Revelation 14. Those who receive the mark of the beast will be those who give their allegiance to man over Christ and His truth. Look at what God warned us:
2 Thessalonians 2:10-12 ...'And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.'
How many people in this world have a real 'LOVE for the TRUTH'? Not many sadly. The truth of God's Word has been replaced with 'church creeds.' And it is through those creeds that the churches are coming together in this ecumenical movement with Rome. Truth has been pushed aside for 'peace' and 'unity.' The majority of people in the churches do not truly study for themselves. They are not allowing God to teach them His truth, which is why there is so much confusion in the churches. So God is allowing them to be taken by the 'deadly delusions' of Satan, because they are putting their trust in the leaders and 'theologians', rather than being led by the Holy Spirit.
Jesus did not tell us to "abide in the churches." He said .. "Abide in ME." John 15:4-6).
As a result of this, we are seeing all sorts of errors and evils entering the churches - God's law rejected - Homo****ual lifestyle accepted - Women ordained leaders over men - Worldly rock and pop music - No conviction or warning about sin, etc. And the result of this will be the destruction mentioned in Ezekiel 9. Yes, we are all sinners, but once we come to Christ, He CHANGES US and we become 'new creatures', no longer fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, but walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-24) and keeping God's commandments by faith in Christ (Revelation 14:12). When we are in Christ, there is no longer any such thing as 'culture' or 'tradition', as Christ breaks down all these things, and we all become NEW in Christ. So to use 'culture' and 'tradition' to excuse sin is not accepted by the Lord. We should no longer be influenced by anything from our past. We should only be influenced by the Lord Jesus Christ and His Spirit working in our hearts and minds.
People are even taught and believe that you have to be a member of and attend a church to be saved. But this is Satan's deception to take people away from Christ. The Lord said ... "I am the way, the truth and the life, no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." (John 14:6). Jesus did NOT say 'the church is the way to the Father.' No, HE is the only way. No church on earth can save you! Only Jesus can.
As a result of the great apostasy of God's professed people, the Lord is giving a final warning to WAKE UP ... Amos 8:2 ...'Then said the Lord unto me, the end is come upon my people of Israel; I will not again pass by them any more.' - What a fearful statement! Wake up! Wake up!
The remnant people of God will not be dependent upon the denominations of the day. They will not be dependent upon man to teach them. They will depend upon the Lord Jesus Christ alone. They will be the ones 'abiding in Christ' (John 15), and allowing Christ to live His perfect life in them.
So what is the message? What is the call to the world? The churches of the world have FALLEN and we must come out of these churches, so that we receive not of her sins and plagues. We must stop trusting in man and the church leaders and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ alone. We must stop following man and the churches and follow the Lord Jesus Christ alone. FLEE Laodicea! FLEE Babylon! GO TO JESUS! GO TO JESUS!
📢📢📢WAKE UP CHILDREN OF GOD OPEN YOUR BIBLES 📖 AND STUDY IT SHARE THIS URGENT MESSAGE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS FACEBOOK PAGES AND GROUPS GIVE YOUR HEART ❤️ TO JESUS REPENT WORSHIP GOD ALONE AND KEEP HIS HOLY LAW AND HIS HOLY SABBATH JESUS IS COMING BACK SOON 🔜 THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME 🔚⏰⚠️‼️.
1
· 1 week ago
Amen thank you
· 1 week ago
not nonsense
· 1 week ago
nonsense
· 1 week ago
church maggot
· 1 week ago
****head
· 1 week ago
futskek
· 1 week ago
church lunatic
· 1 week ago
christian gabbage
· 1 week ago
church gabbage
· 1 week ago
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· 1 week ago
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thevoice · 1 week ago
📣📣📣THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ALL APOSTATE PROTESTANT CHURCHES OF THE WORLD 🌎 ARE FALLEN COME OUT OF THEM NOW ⚠️⏰‼️.
What is the cause of the churches becoming 'FALLEN' and in danger of the coming destruction? Because they have rejected the truth of God in favor of the creeds and traditions of men. The one true God and His Son Jesus as revealed in the Bible have been rejected, in favor of a strange '3 in 1' trinity god. The Sabbath and commandments of the Lord our God have been rejected. The sanctuary message has been rejected. The truth about complete victory over sin has been rejected. The truth that we are complete in Christ has been rejected. Just to name a few! And the churches have 'mingled' themselves with the world, committing fornication with the heathen around them and with the governments, just as Israel of old.
The churches are full of people who follow man, instead of following Christ and are slaves to sin, rather than to the Spirit. The majority of people trust and obey man, rather than trusting and obeying Christ our Lord. This is the crux of the third angel's message of Revelation 14. Those who receive the mark of the beast will be those who give their allegiance to man over Christ and His truth. Look at what God warned us:
2 Thessalonians 2:10-12 ...'And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.'
How many people in this world have a real 'LOVE for the TRUTH'? Not many sadly. The truth of God's Word has been replaced with 'church creeds.' And it is through those creeds that the churches are coming together in this ecumenical movement with Rome. Truth has been pushed aside for 'peace' and 'unity.' The majority of people in the churches do not truly study for themselves. They are not allowing God to teach them His truth, which is why there is so much confusion in the churches. So God is allowing them to be taken by the 'deadly delusions' of Satan, because they are putting their trust in the leaders and 'theologians', rather than being led by the Holy Spirit.
Jesus did not tell us to "abide in the churches." He said .. "Abide in ME." John 15:4-6).
As a result of this, we are seeing all sorts of errors and evils entering the churches - God's law rejected - Homo****ual lifestyle accepted - Women ordained leaders over men - Worldly rock and pop music - No conviction or warning about sin, etc. And the result of this will be the destruction mentioned in Ezekiel 9. Yes, we are all sinners, but once we come to Christ, He CHANGES US and we become 'new creatures', no longer fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, but walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-24) and keeping God's commandments by faith in Christ (Revelation 14:12). When we are in Christ, there is no longer any such thing as 'culture' or 'tradition', as Christ breaks down all these things, and we all become NEW in Christ. So to use 'culture' and 'tradition' to excuse sin is not accepted by the Lord. We should no longer be influenced by anything from our past. We should only be influenced by the Lord Jesus Christ and His Spirit working in our hearts and minds.
People are even taught and believe that you have to be a member of and attend a church to be saved. But this is Satan's deception to take people away from Christ. The Lord said ... "I am the way, the truth and the life, no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." (John 14:6). Jesus did NOT say 'the church is the way to the Father.' No, HE is the only way. No church on earth can save you! Only Jesus can.
As a result of the great apostasy of God's professed people, the Lord is giving a final warning to WAKE UP ... Amos 8:2 ...'Then said the Lord unto me, the end is come upon my people of Israel; I will not again pass by them any more.' - What a fearful statement! Wake up! Wake up!
The remnant people of God will not be dependent upon the denominations of the day. They will not be dependent upon man to teach them. They will depend upon the Lord Jesus Christ alone. They will be the ones 'abiding in Christ' (John 15), and allowing Christ to live His perfect life in them.
So what is the message? What is the call to the world? The churches of the world have FALLEN and we must come out of these churches, so that we receive not of her sins and plagues. We must stop trusting in man and the church leaders and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ alone. We must stop following man and the churches and follow the Lord Jesus Christ alone. FLEE Laodicea! FLEE Babylon! GO TO JESUS! GO TO JESUS!
📢📢📢WAKE UP CHILDREN OF GOD OPEN YOUR BIBLES 📖 AND STUDY IT SHARE THIS URGENT MESSAGE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS FACEBOOK PAGES AND GROUPS GIVE YOUR HEART ❤️ TO JESUS REPENT WORSHIP GOD ALONE AND KEEP HIS HOLY LAW AND HIS HOLY SABBATH JESUS IS COMING BACK SOON 🔜 THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME 🔚⏰⚠️‼️.
· 1 week ago
stop speaking nonsense,
· 1 week ago
rubbish
· 1 week ago
bull crap
Evangelist · 1 week ago
Pastor Maria Masamba is right from a social perspective of the perpetuation of humanity. However, for a true Christian, the rejection of any doctrine must be based on the Word of God. Anything contradictory to the teaching of Jesus is not Christianity and is uncontested evil. Anyone who preaches homose*xuality is not a pastor of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. He /she is an ambassador of Lucifer. Can you please give us the names of the prohomo antiChrists
· 1 week ago
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B.Liver
· 1 week ago
Thank u, Pastor Matanga & Co for setting a good example for the rest of us .May Christ Jesus give u more strength and wisdom.
Widzo-Miles · 1 week ago
PREACHED ON 21 MAY 2008 BY PROPHET KACOU PHILIPPE.
Extract from Kacou 73:Soul sellers
11 At first, they will say, "Oh, we don’t want to accept that! We cannot accept that! We are against that!" And at a certain time, they will say, "Oh, they can be in our midst, they can sit in our midst, but they cannot be pastors." And later, they will accept that.
12 And then, some homo****uals will be Catholic, Protestant, evangelical and Branhamist priests and pastors. You say, "Oh Prophet Kacou Philippe, that can never be possible. I will never accept that!" I tell you that you will accept that. [Ed: The congregation says, "Amen!"].
13 You, Catholics, one day, you are going to sit on the same bench with a homo****ual Catholic priest. You, Protestants, one day, you are going to sit on the same bench with a homo****ual Protestant leader. You, evangelicals, one day, you are going to sit down with homo****ual evangelical leaders. And you Branhamists, one day, some homo****ual pastors and preachers will stand there, in the pulpit, to preach to you and you will accept that.
14 Homo****uals will parade in your cities and villages and you will find that normal. Why? Because you are sons and daughters of the devil and because you have rejected the living prophet of your time. I don’t know how that will happen but Satan will do it and you will accept that. [Ed: The congregation says, "Amen!"].
· 1 week ago
religious brain washed up.
· 1 week ago
writing gabbage
· 1 week ago
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Hon Sumpy Guruzheve Gutu
· 1 week ago
aaaaa asi vakatisiya vaidhidhimura vamwe varume kumanyowa kwavo here eiiish zvikurwadza
Seer · 1 week ago
The next thing is that they will tell us that there is no God. If they really believe that He exists they wouldn't mess up the scriptures that way
Aviel · 1 week ago
true
· 1 week ago
yes there is no god
The zebras · 1 week ago
Zviriko hr izvi kuti varume vakuru nevakadzi vakuru kuto Gara pasi muchiti muri kutaura nyaya muchitaura zve hu**** muchechi
CUSTODIAN CORONAVIRUS · 1 week ago
Homo****uality handiyo here ine membership inoti "forever associates Zimbabwe" ?
bambo · 1 week ago
To hell neHomo****ally.Revs resigned are 100%correct
.
· 1 week ago
who cares. srs in zim non of that bullshît will ever happen. srs we like arab ppl we will make the re21matyrre of gay ppl in zim at limpopo.
Anonymous · 1 week ago
The jokes are very very funny!!!
Kish · 1 week ago
Romans | Varoma
English
1:24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
English
1:25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
English
1:26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
English
1:27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
· 1 week ago
gabbage
Oncemore · 1 week ago
Methodist yave ye****. Hayichaiti
· 1 week ago
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little
girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian
kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with
a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her
what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box.
"Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last
week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
· 1 week ago
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're
prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have
two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have
everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we
put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're
prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots
reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our
prayers have been answered!"
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and
things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the
boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend
the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While
we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next
level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy
to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist
and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed
some ****s. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3
pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan
on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her
till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing,"
said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole
family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's
father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed.
Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to
the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so
religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad
was a pharmacist."
What pants do you wear to church?
Hole-y ones.
Anonymous · 1 week ago
Zvinebasarei zveku regedza kwavo basa? Who cares? Life goes on and on even kuine **** kana kusina,zvagara zviriko mhani.
Anonymous · 1 week ago
even kuine n.g.oc.h.a.n.i
· 1 week ago
Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took
wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise,
and Peter said, "Holy ****, now we gotta stop him!"
· 1 week ago
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They
would call it crucifact.
· 1 week ago
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please."
Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?"
Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
· 1 week ago
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to
confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am
here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go
ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just
rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING
IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and
put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the
donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the
box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it
in."
Anonymous · 1 week ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😇😇
· 1 week ago
The worst part about church is that you're constantly
switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling.I mean, why can't they just pick one position?
꧁🅼🅤🅵🅐🆂🅐꧂
ꂦ☞︎𓃬☜︎ꂦ · 1 week ago
Vakunda ngito ku methodist 🤣🤣🤣
Baba Divante · 1 week ago
man to man ngito
· 1 week ago
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to
call them daddy.
· 1 week ago
Who was the first carpenter?
Eve, she made Adam's banana stand...
Anonymous · 1 week ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣
· 1 week ago
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12,
"God is watching you when you ****."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
· 1 week ago
God and the Archangel Gabriel are discussing vacation plans,
since God hasn’t been for a while.
AG: How about Mercury?
G: Too hot! What are you trying to do, make me roast to
death?!
AG: I hear Jupiter is nice this time of year.
G: No, not Jupiter. Last time I was there, I got lost and it took
years to get back cuz it’s such a huge planet.
AG: There’s always Earth. You haven’t been there in a long
time.
G: HELL NO! I was there 2,000 years ago and they’re still
accusing me of knocking up some Jewish chick!
· 1 week ago
How is God just like a regular man?
If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.
2. Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.
3. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
4. Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.
5. If God created man in His own image…
He’s a ****ing pervert.
6. Why does everyone pray in the aftermath of a disaster?
Hasn’t God just proved He doesn’t give a ****?
7. If God sneezes when you meet him, what the hell do you say?
8. My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.
He thought he was God. I didn’t.
9. Don’t forget: If you never sin, Jesus died for nothin’.
10. Bacon proves God has a sense of humor.
He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people
from eating it.
11. They say that when you die you become closer to God.
Because you no longer ****ing exist, right?
12. Why is it that when you talk to God, it’s called praying?
Whenever God talks to me, they call it schizophrenia.
13. If God really made everything…
He’s Chinese, right?
14. How do you teach a bunch of kids about God—who He is, and what He
does?
Gather them all in a classroom. Then never show up.
15. God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he
appears on toast.
Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?
16. Why did God make man before He made woman?
Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
17. The first commandment states: “I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt
have no other gods before me.”
But two of the seven deadly sins are vanity and envy. ****ing Hypocrite!
18. I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I’m to die for.
19. If God is everywhere always…
He’s spending a lot of time hanging out in strip joints. Filthy bastard!
20. According to the Bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only
killed 10.
Anyone else think we might be following the wrong guy?
21. A friend of mine was a junkie until he found God.
The day he overdosed, of course.
22. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike, until I
realized the Lord doesn’t work that way.
So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me instead.
23. If God were a vehicle, what kind of vehicle would he be?
An ice cream truck, because he brings joy to those who discover Him, but
people who follow Him too closely are usually paedophiles.
24. What does God call his nose?
God knows.
25. God impregnated a woman without her consent.
Isn’t that kind of worse than rape?
26. Science flies people to the moon.
Religion flies people into buildings.
27. Why did God make Adam before Eve?
To give Adam a chance to speak.
28. How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and demand you accept that the light is still
on.
29. I’m a doctor and every time I perform a life saving surgery, someone
bursts into tears and shouts “Thank God!”
How Christian is it to take all the ****ing credit?
30. Why doesn’t God ever answer your emails?
He’s more into knee-mail.
· 1 week ago
bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a
truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish.
The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God
snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person
said the same thing and God did the same thing. This
want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last
man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got
to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and
rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he
laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
Anonymous · 1 week ago
Wena!!
· 1 week ago
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.
After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15
more children. A few weeks after her second husband died,
Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest
looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father,
but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her
second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
· 1 week ago
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Chrysler.
Jesus once said "He who lives by the sword, will die by the sword"
He was a carpenter that died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he
might have had a point.
Why is Jesus terrible in bed?
Because it takes him 3 days to rise
· 1 week ago
Jesus quest
When Jesus dies, he arrives in heaven and decides to pay a visit to his
adoptive father, Joseph.
He looks around for a bit and then finds a carpenter in a corner, working
on a piece of wood all alone.
He approaches, but he's not sure if he recognizes him, so to make sure
it's him, he asks, "Good day, sir, do you have a son by any chance?"
The man looks at him and replies, "Yes, even though he wasn't exactly
my son. He was a special boy, you know, not like all the other kids..."
Confident that he has found him, Jesus opens his arms and says,
"Father!" The man respond "Pinocchio!"
· 1 week ago
Moses snd Jesus are playing golf
They come to a 210 yard par three that only a lake between tee and
green. Jesus turns to Moses and asks what club would tiger woods use
on this hole? Moses says Lord tiger would use a 4 iron but you should
use a 3 wood. Jesus pulls a 4 iron and sure enough he ball lands in the
water. Moses says I’ll take care of this. He walks to the edge of the
lake parts the waters snd retrieves the ball. Once again Jesus ask what
club would Tiger Woods use on this hole. Moses gives the same
answer. Jesus tees up and plop into the lake. Moses says I’ll get it but
Jesus says. I I’ll take care of it. He walks out onto the lake. Right then
the group behind them. One says to another and says look at that guy
who does he think he is Jesus Christ?
Moses turns snd says NO HE THINKS HES TIGER WOODS.
· 1 week ago
Jesus and Moses in Heaven
One beautiful day in Heaven, Jesus and Moses were fishing in a lake.
After a while of silence, Jesus asked Moses, "Hey Moses, can you still
do it? You know... 'Your thing'?" Moses then answered, "I don't know, let
me see if I still got it!"
He then stood up and drew his arms forwards, and then separates
them. As soon as he did it, the lake's water divided into two and the
boat fell to the dry bottom of the lake. Moses happily then said, "Ah ha!
I can still do it!!" Then after he closed his arms and the lake came back
to normal, with the boat rising on top of it, he then asked Jesus, "So,
how about you? Can you still do it, 'your thing'?" Jesus then answered,
"Only one way to find out!"
Jesus then stood up and jumped out of the boat, and started walking on
the lake. But after a few steps of walking, he then fell into the water
and started drowning. Moses seeing this, rushed to save Jesus and get
him out of the water. When Jesus was finally saved, Moses, looking
confused, then asked him, "Hey, what happened? How did you fall into
the water??"
Jesus, still breathing faintly, then answered him, "Ha-- Ha-- I just
remembered-- That I still got holes in my feet-- From that day--"
Jesus is watching you
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're
here."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
>Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires,
clear as a bell he heard "Jesus is watching you."
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of
the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to
rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yes", the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you
that Jesus is watching you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the parrot.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"
"The same kind of people who would name a Pit Bull Jesus."
🪩✨starcon · 1 week ago
ndomimwe yemutemo ikuda kuiswa na Ed 2030 tofamba takashama
chichi · 1 week ago
Sodhoma neGomora
Dok25 · 1 week ago
Why did they resign, instead of standing their ground from within and getting fired? Government is on their side, and they should have stayed to support it from within while it arrests or removes that which is against the Constitution. Government should put the same effort it is putting on drugs to what is a violation of the Constitution
· 1 week ago
Woda kuti vagare mu Babylon kusvika riini , kubuda kwavaita ndiyo best solution
Gegeja · 1 week ago
you must form your own indigenous churchs which are not affiliated with these so called international churchs which embrace satanic👺 agendas
BobMany · 1 week ago
12 kunge ma deciples. Magona vanhu vashe. mutemo we church wacho wakadhakwa uyo
Oncemore · 1 week ago
Ndezveikoko, ku Europe
Emergency · 1 week ago
methodist woyo kkkk
dott... · 1 week ago
uuuumm Satanism urikukura
Zvazviri · 1 week ago
Did the Whites ever embrace true Christianity? They misrepresented, miscommunicated and misinterpreted it for political and economic interests from the early Missionary period. No wonder why some of us opted for African Initiated Churches...
Sir Zimbabwe · 1 week ago
Ndeapi maAfrican church wangu
Cee Bee🐝 · 1 week ago
Johanne masowe
Zvishamiso · 1 week ago
Homo****uality is evil all women must raise their emotions people of the same **** loving and marrying it tarnishes the image of the Church Methodist Church, hapana utsvene
· 1 week ago
Ma Pastor manyama magona apa
Rolo · 1 week ago
There is no God at all in homo****uality they are doing it to get some foreign funding. Pa fair chaipo **** ma angels a satan
